


𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖆 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝕴 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖆 𝖍𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗,                                                    ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃ ˢᵗᵒⁿᵉ ᶜᵒˡᵈ ᵏⁱˡˡᵉʳ.

by BlueHornet



Series: ∫ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵉᵛⁱˡ ʷᵉᵉᵖˢ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳˢ ʰᵉ ᵒⁿᶜᵉ ʰᵃᵈ ʷⁱⁿᵍˢ ∫ @ForlornPast [5]
Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueHornet/pseuds/BlueHornet
Series: ∫ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵉᵛⁱˡ ʷᵉᵉᵖˢ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳˢ ʰᵉ ᵒⁿᶜᵉ ʰᵃᵈ ʷⁱⁿᵍˢ ∫ @ForlornPast [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632352





	1. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐁𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐚𝐲 𝐎𝐮𝐭.

_ It starts with one... _

❖ ❖ ❖

__ How long has he spent trying to fight this demon? To keep it locked away? Before it got the better of him, slipped past the gaps in his defense. Draining his energy by forcing him into many sleepless nights to prevent its attempts to grab control, only to then bounce as soon as he was too exhausted to fight back.

Guess it would win either way.

Too often he found himself waking from a nightmare. Seeing everyone die and left to live on with his guilt. Seeing himself kill his little brother. That, that nightmare happened more than the rest. As if the mark or the demon - or perhaps both - were pushing at him to do what they wanted to do. Because Sam was his weak point.

He hadn’t managed long without being around his brother before his wish to see that nothing else was a danger to him had momentarily brought him back to the bunker. To be the threat that they both continually refused he was. 

They were all working hard to find a way to get rid of the demon when they couldn’t subdue him enough to try the human blood transfusions that had seemed to start to work when they had first caught the demon. But also to get rid of the mark. In the end, it was the sole reason he was the way he was. Even if they got rid of the demon, there was no guarantee the mark wouldn’t change him back if he was killed.

❖ ❖ ❖

_ “There has to be another way-” He can see just how desperate his brother is again at the mere suggestion from Dean that he leaves again. _

_ “There’s not, okay?” He’s quick to cut off any further argument from Sam, though the look from his older brother had been plenty enough for the older Winchester to know instantly that his brother didn’t have another way in mind. “We’ve all tried. Everyone. But we’ve gotten nowhere.” _

❖ ❖ ❖

“Dean!” His brother’s voice has him returning to himself finally, dazed as he looked to the man before him. Another attempt at finding a solution to the mark, yet the man’s stubbornness in providing any information about what he knows had riled up the pent up anger Dean had been trying to hold back. All the annoyance of their failed attempts. They were getting nowhere still, just as he had already told Sam in the last month.

If it hadn’t been for the man’s smart mouth, he may not have found the demon suddenly taking over Dean and launching himself at him, the holy water Sam had retrieved just in time being the only reason the person was still alive. Distracting him enough for Sam to get through to Dean.

He blinked as he refocused on where he was, seeing his bloodied knuckles and the much bloodier face of the man whose shirt he was gripping to keep him from escaping. Another repeat of his name from his brother has Dean finally letting the man go, watching him groan as he fell to the ground. “I’m done with this plan.”

He’s quick to turn and head for the door, Sam impeding his departure as he grabs his arm. Yet, he doesn’t listen as Sam says his name and tries to get him to stay and try again. The anger getting the better of him as his voice raised, shooting a warning glare at his brother. “I’ve got one card left to play, and I have to play it!”

“You’ve got one card, today!” His eyes are desperate as he held Dean’s gaze, despite the set jaw of the older brother indicating his pleas were falling to deaf ears. “But we’ll find another tomorrow. But if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow!”

As he mentioned him quitting, his eyes turned pitch black, allowing the demon to deepen his voice to one noticeably not his own. “There was no tomorrow for a long time. This has all been a waste of time spent focused on helping people who can be helped.” Yet, allowing the demon some control didn’t go the way he planned as, when he yanked his arm out of his brother’s grip to leave only for Sam to try again to stop him, the demon takes over completely, a quick punch to his brother’s face sending Sam back into the door, another hit soon knocking him unconscious before the demon left. “I’m sorry Sammy.”

[I've Tried So Hard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8Sd0bsfmBw)


	2. 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐈𝐧 𝐀 𝐂𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐲 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭.

Why wasn't he surprised that Sam had gone so far as to reach out to Crowley for help? Finding the king of hell in his new hotel room had not been any surprise at all, though apparently Crowley had thought otherwise.

“You here to try and get me to join your group again?” He grumbled as he hooked his jacket over a chair, leaning back against it with his arms crossed. That or Sam had decided to try and get the king of hell to use his position to get Dean to obey. Not that that worked for him the first time.

Crowley however goes straight to the point once he realised Dean isn't really that surprised to find him there. “Well, from what I’ve heard from your little brother, apparently the mark is having even more effects on you since you killed Cain. Perhaps you should reconsider going solo to deal with it. Of course, we can provide you the chance to complete the kill urges, as long as you can refrain from killing clients.”

No surprise either that he was likely going against what Sam had asked him to do. “No. You know I don’t handle douchebags like that last one with manners.”

❖ ❖ ❖

_It had been ridiculous how easily the human had believed the demons were below him. All because they were killing someone for him, that it made them his personal slave. That he could spout all that stuff and not get a response from it all._

_He had learnt his lesson, though not a lesson he had survived. Despite the fact that to get his soul, the deal had to be completed, but he didn’t really care about that crap. Sure, the missus had been left alone so no part of the planned deal had been held up. But he isn't just going to let some guy look down on him cause he had black eyes and_ had _to follow through on the demons part of the deal._

_Unlucky for a group of drunks, they had crossed paths with the demon when he had ditched the car to go for a walk. One stumbling into Dean as he walked by, a quick ‘watch it’ in warning before the demon continued on his way. Or would have if the drunks hadn’t taken offense to his warning and chose to ignore it._

_Of course, he had cleaned up after that massacre. The mark no longer causing the constant burning irritation or urge to puke or any of the other ill side effects if left unsatisfied. So Crowley had been left well unaware of that certain killing spree. Though it wouldn’t have helped him if he had known and chosen also to include that in his rant at Dean for not completing the deal._

_He was only there to satisfy the mark in blood. Just because deals were the best way about it, didn’t mean he was going to roll over for any stuck up humans. Or the king of hell._

❖ ❖ ❖

  
“You might wanna take the warning and leave Crowley. You should know, just like Sam, that pushing me to come back ain’t gonna work.” He glared at the other demon, not having moved from his spot during the whole speech Crowley had delivered to try and get him to either join him or return to Sam. “You might think you have authority since all the other demons bow and follow your every command, which actually isn’t really all of them. But I’m not joining that club.”

When Crowley continued to argue, he stepped forward, jaw clenched as he looked at him until the king fell silent. “Finally. You asked me to pick a side. Demon or human. Guess we’ll find out soon exactly which side that will be. But if you’re smart, you’ll keep your distance.”

[Monster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gciGDam4XVA)


	3. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐚𝐲.

Just how long exactly had the mark been impacting him without him realising? Before it had been too late?

Hell, of course Sam had noticed it long before him. Perhaps thanks to Cas telling him to keep an eye out when the angel had first found the mark on his arm. Pretty sure they hadn’t realised the car window on the other side had still been down, letting Dean hear Cas’ warning.

It had brought him a bit of wariness at the time, to know Cas was wary of the mark he had accepted from Cain. But they wouldn’t be able to kill Abaddon if they couldn’t activate the First Blade. And since Cain had refused to help to keep to his peaceful life, Dean had accepted the burden while they were being attacked.

Whatever the consequences were, he would handle it. He had to. He could keep control.

' **_Or could you?_** '

❖ ❖ ❖

_Sam finds him bloodied knuckled as he leans against the wall, legs stretched out before him. He can see his brother’s initial worry is over any injuries that caused the blood, but it’s obvious from the unconscious angel beside him as to what happened._

_“He won’t talk.” He looks over to the angel in question, the irritation in his voice evident as he cut his brother off. Irritation at the angel. But also irritation at yet another of his mistakes. He hadn’t realised just how much the mark was influencing his actions until the angel had pushed him past his breaking point._

_Punch after punch after dragging him from the chair and further away, still chained. Not that it would have been wise to release him to make the fight fair. But none of their enemies played fair, so why should Dean?_

_The rage he hadn’t realised he had been holding in had exploded, the Winchester only barely aware of his actions as he had beat the living daylights out of him. Whether to just rile him up to try and exploit a weakness or, his more likely belief, to die so as to prevent the brothers from any chance of information, the angel had succeeded in getting Dean to lash out. Pity though if his plan had been the latter, as Dean had only just caught himself in time to stop._

❖ ❖ ❖

“Killing things that need killing is kind of our job.” He frowned over at Sam as he cleaned the blade against one jacket. “Last I checked, taking pleasure in that is not a crime.”

What a spectacular job he was doing again of avoiding his brother. When Sammy had shown up to the same job, Dean should have dropped it and disappeared to the next. Not chance the temptation to give in to Sam’s silent pleas as his brother had tried to pull him aside to talk. He was surprised he was willing to be near after how they had said goodbye last time.

Yet, as they found the feral werewolf responsible for the attacks, it had ended up bloodier than expected. Perhaps bloodier than needed. Coming to Sam’s aid, the werewolf had been too distracted by his supposed victory over the younger hunter to defend himself when the demon had shown up. But it wasn't with black eyes and the demonic voice that had ordered the werewolf to meet his gaze, it had been Dean himself.

Try all he wanted, he couldn’t fight something as old as the First Curse. Not with a demon wearing his last walls of resistance down as well, perhaps more easily then it should have been. There was comfort in the emotionless sense of the demon.

It was easier.

[Nemesis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCtcFX1X09k)


	4. 𝐈 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲.

_“No, no!” The shout from Claire almost doesn’t register. The failed plan of getting two of her friends to kill him backfiring. Not initially by Dean himself, but by Claire. Unable to bring herself to let someone kill another. Perhaps she should have allowed them._

_His gaze is tense as he briefly meets her frightened gaze after gaining the upper hand over the both. She screams again as he brings the axe down, letting the handle go before simply walking back to the Impala. The axe lodged in the wood of the seat he had just vacated to escape the attack._

_He can feel the simmering burn of the mark on his arm; it’s not satisfied. It never is._

❖ ❖ ❖

' **_It’s gonna get worse Dean.You’re gonna get worse!_** '

The shout has the hunter startled from his sleep, jerking up in his bed as he glanced around at the hotel room, confused as to how he got there. But not for long. He soon remembered the quick departure after they had finished the job, before Sam could get enough time to pull Dean aside and talk.

It was better this way. As much as it was easier to fight with the support of his brother and of Cas, it was too dangerous. For their own wellbeing, he’d have to cut them out completely. Do everything he could to avoid them.

Everything was on him. Kevin’s death; on him. So many more deaths, all because of him. Whether it be from the mark’s influence or his own, it didn’t matter. He was a threat that needed to be dealt with, or avoided. And since there was nothing about how to deal with the mark, he guessed it would have to be the latter.

“ **_You’re not doing this to keep Sammy safe. You’re doing this because you don’t want to be fixed. You like it._ **”

[On My Own](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPPY2hoogNo)


End file.
